my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
