did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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