this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Randomize
