I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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