we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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