Please, let me fuck your mom
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
