I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
