So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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