her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
