I hope mine doesn't look like that
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
you inspire me to be a worse person
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
