Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
