Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
