Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I cut my penus on the lid.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I need water and some morals
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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