I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
