dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
