Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
