Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
