How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
