Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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