You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
