lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
third nipple confirmed
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
