OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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