Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
