dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
