When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
