you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
There's always time for handjobs
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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