five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
