Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
