whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
