he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
