my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
