Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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