Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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