Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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