textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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