so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
