didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
