yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
