Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
