it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
