My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
