My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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