Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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