The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
