Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
