He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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