We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
