do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
