Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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