I wish I only lived at night.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
