You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
