It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
