we're blogging at a bar
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
