fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
