did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
