Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
