Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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