I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
