i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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