we have pet lesbian snakes
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
