If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
