It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
