I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
