I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
