i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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