i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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