Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
